


Paradise

by BonesyBoop



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Gen, Graphic Depictions of, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, The Levi/Eren angle won't appear until the very last chapter, and other things, and yes it is happening for sure now, the healing process
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-19 16:25:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1476298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BonesyBoop/pseuds/BonesyBoop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jeager, 16, stands poised on a bridge ready to end it all. And he would have, had a stranger not happened to look out his window when he did. Six years of hell to reach rock bottom, and now comes the hard part; getting back up.<br/>(Please read Authors note. Updates every Wednesday and Saturday.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not the End, But Close

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I honestly never thought I’d write anything for the AoT fandom. As much as I love it, no stories ever jumped out at me as ones I needed to tell. And I never do AUs. But, I’ve read a lot of modern AU fics that try to deal with self-harm and depression, and as someone who has suffered and still suffers from both, not many of them really felt authentic to me. That’s not to say that the feelings put into them were not real – it’s more than highly likely that those writers just suffered differently than I did.
> 
> It sounds conceited, and maybe it is. But that is the driving force behind me writing this. I wanted to write something that deals with depression – and healing – the way it was for myself and my friends. That being said, this fic will deal with some heavy stuff and nothing comes easy. Self-harm, suicide, and the loss of loved ones among other things. Feel free to ask for trigger labels to be added to the tag if anything comes up. 
> 
> This will be (mostly) written in Eren’s perspective, with little vignettes that let us see from the eyes of others. It’s not gonna be totally linear, but will chronicle events over the course of four or so years.
> 
> This may have Riren at the very end. We shall see.
> 
> Shit, I haven’t written in years. We’ll see how this goes. See the end notes for this chapter’s Playlist. On with the show.

Ice crunched under his feet as he walked, eyes listlessly watching as his shoes left muddy footprints in the fresh falling snow. He almost snorted; how goddamn poetic. Leaving a stain on the pristine ground even as he went to end it all, and yet even those footprints would be covered up as more snow fell, as if he was never there at all. Armin would probably start quoting some Shakespeare shit or something.

The cold wind whipped around him, bitter and stinging as it blew sharp snowflakes into his face. Eren pulled his jacket tighter, suppressing a wave of guilt as his best friend’s sunny face came to mind. Armin. The last thing he’d said to Armin was ‘fuck off.’ He could have taken it back. He should have. Not that it would matter. He’d apologize, and then it would just happen again. Armin didn’t deserve to be hurt like that. He deserved a lot better.

God, he was such a fuck up.

Eren sniffled, violently wiping a sleeve across his face. The biting cold was making his nose run, and honestly sneakers and a light jacket probably weren’t the best apparel for January storms. But at least it made him feel something, something other than numb. And it wouldn’t matter soon anyway.

He took a shuddering breath, glancing over at the darkened duplexes and apartment buildings that surrounded him. They were about a fifty minute walk away from his house in the suburbs. A nice quaint little place with a simple garden and an uninspired paint job, an attached garage and a nice tree in the sizable backyard.

The garden was a lot nicer when his mom was still around.

Eren felt the lump in throat grow as her image came to mind. Carla Jeager, his mother, a wonderful woman who was as infuriatingly protective as she was warm and caring. A humorless smile came to his face as he remembered the way she’d scold him for getting into scuffles with kids at school; Mikasa would mimic her, waggling her finger and telling him how stupid he was for letting Jean bait him again. His dad wouldn’t outwardly take sides, but if he felt Eren was justified he’d support him with a wink and a nod. His mom hated that.

They stopped being a family after she died. Before, when Eren felt down, his mom would hold him and tell him that everything would be alright. A sunny day always comes after a rainstorm. She was wrong, though. The sun died with her. His dad closed off, was barely even home anymore, always working at the hospital. When he did come home, they fought. Fought over the state of Eren’s grades, fought over the cause of Eren’s recent black eye, or the new bruise that Mikasa refused to talk about.

As if Eren needed any reminders of how shitty he was. Mikasa was perfect; perfect grades, perfect attendance, perfect sports record, a part of a bunch of clubs at school, already being eyed by several colleges. The only blemish on her record was her delinquent brother. She’d back him up when he started shit, no matter how stupid it was. They’d come home covered in cuts and bruises, and then fight some more. But no matter how hard he yelled at her to just let him deal with his own shit, she’d just quietly refuse.

Mikasa deserved a better brother. Someone who would actually protect her from trouble, not get her into it. Unfortunately, she was stuck with Eren.

Eren suppressed a sob, angrily wiping tears from his face. Soon, it wouldn’t matter. Eren would be gone. He wouldn’t be able to hurt Armin, or drag Mikasa down anymore. His dad would finally be rid of him, and have the one perfect child he always wanted. His teachers wouldn’t have to break up fights between him and Jean anymore. And finally, selfishly, he could escape the all-consuming emptiness that haunted him, the voices that told him what he already knew. They were all better off without him. It wouldn’t take them long to get over his death anyway.

He stopped in the middle of a bridge, looking down at the frigid river below. The river was frozen enough to have a layer of ice on it, but not enough that he wouldn’t fall through and be washed away. It’d freeze again over the hole he’d make. And at this hour, there weren’t even cars on the roads. He was well and truly alone. It was both comforting and terrifying. And yet here, at the end of it all, his tears had finally dried up. It was finally going to end.

Bare hands clutched the frozen metal railing as he hefted himself up, gingerly standing up on the slippery surface. The river waited below, dark and inviting. It was almost ironic that he suddenly felt nothing; not fear, not sadness, not even comfort. Just peace.

Closing his eyes, Eren took a breath and went to pitch forward – it was a shock when someone grabbed him from behind, yanking him backward by his jacket hard enough to momentarily choke him. The motion sent Eren colliding backward into the other person; his head cracked against his assailant’s face none too gently. The two toppled over and landed in a slush puddle.

“Shit, fuck my fucking nose-“

Eren rolled onto his hands and knees, brain sluggishly trying to catch up to what happened. He was supposed to be dying in the river, not kneeling in slush next to some pissed off guy. Wide-eyed and uncomprehending, Eren sat back and looked at the person who pulled him off the bridge.

The man was tiny, dressed in black pants and a gray shirt. His hair was black and messy, the longer strands blown about by the wind. Apparently satisfied that his nose wasn’t broken, the man finally let his hand fall and looked Eren right in the eyes.

“The fuck is wrong with you? Are you fucking high or something? The hell do you think you were doing?” He hissed, sitting up on his knees and running a hand through his hair. He was breathing heavily, like he’d just run a goddamn marathon. But most shocking to Eren was the man’s expression. Wide eyed, searching Eren up and down, brows pulled together – he looked well and truly terrified.

“C’mon brat, I asked you a fucking question.”

Right. What was he doing?

“Oi, kid! Don’t tell me you took some shit too…”

He didn’t know. He never knew.

“I don’t know.” Eren hung his head and answered quietly, the reply almost lost to the wind.

The man inched closer, tilting his head as if it could help him hear Eren better. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

Eren began to shake, arms wrapping tightly around himself. The feelings that had vanished just moments ago came back fully force; the emptiness, the hatred, the cloying sadness, all of it inescapable. He couldn’t even kill himself without fucking up. His breathing grew faster, tears starting to well up in his eyes, and he just couldn’t bring himself to give a fuck. “I just want it to stop.” He rasped, palms pressing hard against his eyes.

“Fuck…” The man swore under his breath, pulling Eren close. Eren sobbed onto his shoulder, the crushing weight of his own mind bearing down on him. He was barely aware of himself as the man pulled him up, leading him toward one of the nearby apartment buildings. He did, however, notice that the stranger wasn’t wearing any shoes.

 

* * *

 

Eren hadn’t realized how cold it was outside until he’d been dragged into the heated apartment. He pulled the blanket he’d been given tighter around himself, both in an attempt to warm up and to shield himself from the world. At least one of those was futile.

“Here.” The man to whom the apartment belonged shoved a mug of sweet-smelling tea toward Eren, which he gingerly took. Satisfied that he had a good grip, he then sat on the couch next to Eren and set his own mug down on the coffee table. “Levi.”

“Huh?” Eren blinked, looking up from the tea he was blankly staring at. The man glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

“My name. It’s Levi.”

“Oh.” Eren gingerly took a sip of the tea he was given – he really didn’t like tea, but the warmth was nice. “Eren.”

“Well, Eren then.” The man, Levi, leaned back and turned to look Eren in the face. Eren flinched, shoulders hunching in a futile attempt to escape the scrutiny. “You gonna tell me why you were re-enacting the titanic out there?”

Eren shrugged, form somehow hunching over even more. “I dunno.”

A sigh escaped Levi, fingers pinching at the bridge of his nose. He swore under his breath again. He seemed to swear a lot.

Eren chanced a look in his direction, noting that the clock behind Levi read 2 AM. The man was rubbing his eyes tiredly. Eren swallowed, “You gonna call an ambulance?”

Later, he’d be proud that he didn’t flinch when Levi fixed him with an intense stare. “Should I?”

“…No.” Eren looked away, uncharacteristically timid. He just didn’t have the energy to fight back.

“Alright.” Levi spoke after a long moment, “I won’t.” His arm fell onto the back of the couch, “You gonna tell me what’s up?”

Eren shrugged again, but Levi just kept staring and waiting. It almost made Eren want to curse under his breath like the other man seemed so fond of doing. He set his cup down on the table, pulling the blanket close around him once more. “I don’t know. I just want it all to go away.”

“So you’re a supervillian.”

That actually managed to get Eren to laugh, albeit it was more of a snort. Must have been the dry delivery. But all too soon, the abyss sunk back in. “Everyone would be better off without me. Mikasa…”

His voice cracked, sobs springing forward once more. Eren covered his face with one hand, horrified. Christ, Mikasa. How alone would she feel? She had already lost her own parents, got shuffled around several foster homes, and then lost the only mother she’d ever known to illness. She clung to Eren like he was a lifeline, because he was. And she’d be the one to find his empty bed in the morning. How fucking selfish was he? God, he was such a shitty person.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry..!” Eren hiccupped, breaths coming out hitched and ragged, body shaking from the intensity of what hit him. Everything was pouring out and he couldn’t stop it; he was dimly aware of a hand rubbing his back soothingly, and thought of how his mother would do that when he was sick, and it drew another harsh sob from him.

It went on for another hour before, mercifully, Eren’s mind and body finally exhausted themselves and sent him into a dreamless sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Levi pulled  the blanket up over Eren’s shoulders once the kid finally passed out, eyes red and puffy from both his breakdown and exhaustion. Falling back against his end of the couch, Levi let out a heavy sigh and dragged a hand down his face. “Shit.”

He closed his eyes, taking a moment at last to calm his own nerves. Breath in, breath out; repeat until no longer shaking. For once in his life he felt grateful for his damn insomnia. If he hadn’t been unable to sleep, if he hadn’t have passed by his window at just the right moment, this kid would have pitched himself over the bridge and drowned without anyone even knowing he was there.

The world was fucked up.

With a final deep breath, Levi opened his eyes and stared ahead at the flatscreen TV. There was a thin layer of dust gathering on the screen already. Stupid thing was more trouble than it was worth. Stupid Hanji talking him into getting that dust magnet.

Levi peeled himself from the couch, grimacing as he did so. He was cold and damp thanks to running outside to play hero to the shitty brat. He’d peeled off his wet socks when they got in, but hadn’t changed out of his clothes yet. The kid’s shoes and coat were lying haphazard on the floor in a growing puddle of melted snow and slush.

The kid was probably wet from the slush too. His couch would smell like mildew tomorrow. Levi suppressed a shudder. He really, really hated winter. It was wet and filthy.

With a sigh, Levi ran a hand through his hair and moved toward the mess. He hung the coat up on the coat rack (it smelled like armpits) and moved the shoes to his custom shoe rack (also foul smelling.) After a bit of fishing around in the coat’s pockets (and a promise to himself to shower thoroughly later) Levi found what he was looking for. The kid’s cellphone, complete with cracked screen.

It was a minor victory that the phone didn’t require a password to get into it. Then again, the kid didn’t look like he’d care that much. He had other things on his mind. Too much for someone so young. Levi scrolled through the short list of names and numbers, casting a sympathetic glance in Eren’s direction.

Ah, there it was. ‘Home.’ And now, for the fun part; calling the parents at 3 AM to tell them that their kid was not home but was fine, sleeping on a stranger’s couch, and oh by the way he tried to jump off Karanese Avenue’s bridge.

“No point in stalling.” Levi tapped the ‘call’ icon and leaned against the kitchen counter.

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Click. 

“Hello?” A groggy female voice answered, tone tinged with annoyance at being woken up.

“Hello.” Levi grunted in response, crossing his arms as best he could while he held the phone to his ear, “Is this where Eren lives?” He heard shuffling on the other line, and when the girl spoke again she sounded suspicious.

“Who is this?”

“The guy that currently has one ‘Eren’ sleeping on his couch.”

“The hell are you talking about?”

Levi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look. The phone number says ‘home’ so I’m gonna assume that’s a yes, he does live there. If you check his room he won’t be in there. His coat and-“ Levi leaned forward to look at the shoe rack, “…sneakers will be gone.” Who the hell wears sneakers in this weather? “He’s safe, though.”

“…” The girl on the other end was quiet, but after a moment Levi heard more shuffling as she got out of bed. Two door-opening sounds later and a quick run down the stairs, and a barely-controlled voice was on the phone once again. “Where is he?”

“At my apartment. He’s safe. I’m out on the far end of Karanese. You related?”

“I’m his sister.”

“Okay. Can you put your parents on the phone please?”

Silence again, followed by another run up some stairs. Vaguely he heard the girl waking her father up and telling him Eren was gone. Both voices rang through clearer after a beep.

“Mikasa, give me the phone.”

“No. It’s on speaker now. I’m not leaving.”

A sigh, followed by a light thump as the phone was set down. “Hello? This is Grisha Jeager, Eren’s father. What’s going on?” The man’s voice wavered. He was likely trying to stay composed for his daughter.

“Mr. Jeager, my name is Levi Ackerman.” He hesitated for a moment – the kid’s sister was still in the room. But she wanted to stay, so she made her choice. “I stopped your son from jumping off a bridge about an hour ago.”

The man gasped, his daughter staying eerily quiet. Levi heard shuffling on the other end before Grisha’s voice came back, shakier than it was before. “Is he…”

“Alright? Probably not.” Levi stood, collecting a pen and a pad of paper from a nearby drawer. “But he’s alive at least. He’s passed out on my couch.”

“Oh, God…” Grisha let out a shuddering breath, “Mikasa, come here, it’s alright.” More shuffling; Levi stayed quiet, allowing the family a moment to themselves. Finally Grisha spoke again, “Thank you for stopping him. I knew he was troubled but I never thought…”

“Most people don’t.” Levi looked up, able to see the sleeping Eren from his kitchen. “He’s going to spend the night on my couch. Can you give me your address? I’ll bring him home tomorrow. I’m not waking him up.”

“It’s 1402 Shiganshina road.” Grisha answered, “Thank you, Mr. Ackerman.”

“Levi. Just Levi.”

“Alright. Levi.” A pause, “I suppose we’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Mm.” Levi grunted the confirmation, “We’ll head over when he gets up.” With that Levi hung up. No point is wishing them a good night. Too late for that.

Levi slipped the cellphone back into the kid’s pocket, grimacing once again at the disgusting puddle on his floor. Well, there was no way he was sleeping tonight. Might as well clean.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren groaned, fighting against waking up. His eyes were itchy, and even though he was pleasantly warm, his whole being was still heavy with exhaustion. He didn’t want to wake up. Unfortunately, he had no choice in the matter.

Eren cracked his eyes open, staring at an unfamiliar flat screen TV. It reflected some sunlight back at him. He could hear someone’s footsteps padding around in the background. He must have fallen asleep on Levi’s couch. The numbness returned, leaving Eren completely devoid of feeling other than the helplessness he’d become so familiar with. He’d have to face the day whether he liked it or not.

“Up at last, hm.” Levi spoke as Eren sat up, “It’s about 10 in the morning. Come here. Eat something.”

Eren stood and obeyed, bringing the blanket with him as some sort of rebellion against the waking world. Levi sat at the kitchen island, absently clicking away at his laptop. Unlike the previous night, his hair was neatly combed and he was dressed in a pristine suit. Eren only just registered that Levi had an undercut. It looked less stupid on him than it did on Jean. He glanced up at Eren and nodded toward a bowl of cereal.

Eren sat on a stool on the opposite side, pulling the cereal toward him and poking at it with disinterest. He didn’t feel hungry that often nowadays. Eren took a few bites anyway, if only to get Levi to stop giving him looks.

“I called your father last night. I’m gonna drive you home once you’re done that.”

Eren flinched. He’d been hoping that he could just lie about going to Armin’s. But apparently Levi had already ruined any excuse he could give. And now he’d have to face a lecture from his dad. Like the man needed another reason to despise him.

“Oi.” Levi’s voice cut through his thoughts, and Eren looked up to find the man giving him another intense look. He didn’t like it. It was like Levi could see right through him. “Hiding isn’t gonna help you.”

Eren looked down at his cereal, feeling chastised. Thankfully Levi didn’t push it and just let him eat in peace.

Twenty minutes later – both an eternity and all too soon – Eren found himself slouched in the front seat of Levi’s car. It felt like a funeral march. Only he’d have to deal with the emotional fallout head on.

Eren slumped down even further as Levi drove. He was already playing out the coming shitstorm in his head. His dad would answer the door, furious. They’d fight like usual. Maybe he’d get himself committed to a juvenile institution. Then again, that might tarnish the family record.

Did Mikasa know? If she did, then Armin did too. Like Mikasa needed more on her plate. Or Armin, for that matter. They had their own shit to deal with, it wasn’t their fault that Eren wasn’t man enough to deal with his own. He was such a fuck up-

“Oi.” Levi’s voice cut through his thoughts once again, this time startling him enough to make him jump. The man didn’t even look at him. “Stop thinking that shit.”

Eren narrowed his eyes, “You don’t even know what I’m thinking.”

Levi shot him a glare for the petulant tone, eyes fixing back on the road. “I have a pretty good idea, brat.”

The rest of the trip was silent, and all too quick. Eren’s house loomed on the horizon, rising with his growing dread. He really didn’t want to leave that car.

Levi shifted the car into park and exited, Eren listlessly following along. His father had opened the door before they even got a chance to knock.

“Eren!” Grisha pulled Eren close, holding onto him as if he’d disappear. It wasn’t the reaction that Eren was expecting, and a weak swell of warmth welled up in him. “Eren, Christ, don’t ever do this again.”

Eren looked up at his father when he was finally released, Grisha’s hands staying on his shoulders as he looked his son in the eyes. His dad’s eyes were uncharacteristically red and puffy, and for once held no frustration or anger in them.

“Eren, why?”

The question cut Eren deep. Biting his lip, Eren looked down at the ground and answered honestly, “I don’t know.”

Grisha took a deep breath, letting one hand fall from Eren’s shoulders. “You must be Levi.” The two shook hands, and Eren chanced a look inside the house. He wished he hadn’t. Mikasa and Armin were watching him from the entry to the living room, both looking equally distraught. Mikasa looked as if she were ready to run to him at any moment, terrified and lost. Armin held fast to her arm, looking hurt and searching Eren for answers. He looked away quickly. He couldn’t stand seeing them look at him like that. He was such a coward.

“Thank you again, Levi. I can’t express just how much you’ve done for us.”

Levi nodded curtly, “Don’t mention it.”

Eren zoned out of the rest of the conversation, dimly aware that his father was starting to lead him into the house. He looked up as, once again, Levi’s voice cut through the haze.

“Oi.” Levi’s face betrayed no emotion. If anything, since this morning the man had looked thoroughly bored. “I punched my number into your phone last night. Call me anytime you need to. I mean it, kid.”

The door shut, a car drove away, and Eren was lead to the living room, feeling just as lost as ever. Only now he’d dragged everyone else into it, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GASP Grisha isn’t a total shitlord. I’m not gonna go into potential spoiler territory for the manga, but I honestly don’t think Grisha is a bad man. He had to make some shitty choices to try and guarantee his kid’s survival in a shitty world. Maybe they weren’t the best choices, and maybe I’m wrong, but I think he did what he felt he had to do at the time. 
> 
> Final note; you don’t have to have the shittiest life in the world to suffer from mental illness.
> 
> Chapter 1 Playlist;  
> This is Gonna Hurt (Acoustic) – Sixx AM  
> Pieces – Sum 41  
> Weighty Ghost – Wintersleep  
> Breathe Me - Sia


	2. Grounded Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a sandwich.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I wasn’t ripped apart for the first chapter, so I feel marginally safer continuing the story in its entirety. Thank you for the kudos and such so far, and thank you for the kind comment, erenstitanform. Good to know Eren can read :D
> 
> …Don’t worry I’ll show myself out.

Eren rolled over, burying his face into his pillow. The sun tried valiantly to shine behind his curtains, but he refused to get up. His dad already imposed a week-long break from school on him. He might as well sleep through it, since he’ll have to deal with the questions his absence caused when he went back.

Eren huffed, muttering under his breath, “That’ll be fun…” He cracked an eye open as someone knocked on his door.

“Eren.” Mikasa’s monotone filtered through the wood, “You better be dressed. I’m coming in.”

Grumbling, Eren sat up as Mikasa stepped into his room. She’d been adamant about staying home with Eren for the week, and it hadn’t taken too long for Grisha to crumble and agree – as if he needed to be babied. Eren managed a weak glare in her direction. She was holding a plate, staring down at him impassively.

“It’s peanut butter and jelly. Eat.”

“I’m not hungry, Mikasa.”

“Eat it or I’ll shove it down your throat for you.” She arched a brow, “Your choice.”

Eren glared at her just a little longer. He was fighting the inevitable at this point, he knew. Because she would make good on her word, even if it’d likely kill him. Grudgingly, Eren nodded toward his bedside table and ran a hand through his hair.

Mikasa set the plate down and turned, carefully avoiding looking at her brother’s arms. “Put a shirt on and come downstairs. Armin will be over soon.”

The door shut behind her, leaving Eren and the sandwich alone. So it was already around 3 PM…He hadn’t thought he slept in that long. Time never flowed right anymore.

With a heavy sigh, Eren heaved himself up from the bed and moved to his dresser, kicking some old clothes aside. Pyjama pants were good enough, and he had no clean jeans anyway. He pulled out an old white t-shirt and slipped it on, taking a moment to look at the scars on his arms.

Some were old and raised, some were still fairly new and raw. They took a while to heal if they got infected, and Eren never bothered to clean them. Bite marks mingled with the straight cuts of a razor, the former a testament to his wild anger. If his dad saw them, he’d freak. Thus why Eren pulled his worn sweater on now, covering the wounds and scars up and keeping them from prying eyes.

He wasn’t hiding out of shame. The pain of tooth or metal biting into skin was the one thing that could make everything stop, make it all go away, if only for one night. It was his one solace. He wasn’t going to let anyone try to take that momentary escape away.

Eren turned toward his door, casting a disdainful glance in the direction of the sandwich. Stupid sandwich.

He picked up the plate and took it with him, trudging down the stairs toward the living room. He could hear Mikasa dragging some furniture around. She was probably getting ready to practice on the piano.

Mikasa didn’t even look up as Eren moped into the room, haphazardly collapsing onto the cushion of the nearby bay window. The sandwich sat untouched in his lap, head leaning against the windowpane as he listlessly watched the world outside go by. Mikasa sat on the piano bench and played a few keys; Eren heard her rustle through some papers.

The song started, and Eren’s gaze unfocused. Mikasa didn’t even need the sheet music for this one anymore. By now, both siblings knew it by heart. Mikasa played it a lot. It was his mother’s favourite song, ‘Always With You,’ from her favourite movie, Spirited Away. She loved it so much that she’d memorized the Japanese lyrics. She’d sing it while she did laundry, sing along while Mikasa played, or sing them to sleep after a nightmare.

Eren’s eyes shot toward a flock of sparrows as they took off, watching the tiny birds disappear up into the sky. A gentle breeze blew through the bare branches of the trees outside, and if Eren closed his eyes he could almost feel the wind blowing past him.

He’d always wondered what it was like to fly. To lift off and leave everything behind, and just soar through the air. Mikasa’s playing filled the silence with lilting notes as Eren flew, growing wings in his mind and taking off through the clouds, Mikasa and Armin with him.

Even just in his mind, it was so close to freedom.

 

\--

 

“Eren! Mikasa!” Armin called as he stepped into the Jeager residence, kicking snow off of his boots. “I brought your homework.”

“In here, Armin.” Mikasa called out from the dining room. She sat at the table with Eren, the two siblings contrasting terribly. Mikasa sat with her back straight, flipping through a textbook and taking notes. Eren, on the other hand, was slouched on the table and rolling a pencil up and down the curve of a book, glaring at a half-eaten sandwich.

“Ah…peanut butter and jelly?” Armin remarked, hefting his bag onto the table.

“It’s Eren’s.” Mikasa answered, shooting her brother a sidelong glare, “And he’s going to finish it.”

Eren grumbled something in return and sat up, running a hand through his messy hair. Armin gave his friend a sympathetic smile, “You can’t make him eat the whole thing, you know.”

Mikasa simply looked at Armin, receiving a sheepish shrug in return. Mercifully, Eren spoke up and took the attention from Armin. “It’s fine. Either I eat or she crams it in my face manually.”

Eren sat back, barely paying attention as Armin began to pull out notes and papers and fill both Jeagers in on what they missed that day. He meant what he said; he was fine with Mikasa being so overbearing. It was annoying and he hated it, but it was a lot better than the way she’d been when Levi brought him home.

Eren fought a wince; he never wanted to see his sister like that again. It would have been better if she screamed at him or lectured him or even cried; but she didn’t. She just clung to his arm and stared ahead and didn’t speak for hours. He’d never seen her like that before. He didn’t even know how to describe it. 

She was back to normal now, at least outwardly. And selfishly, he was grateful for that. Even if she was just pretending.

Armin laughed, drawing Eren’s attention. Armin was probably the strongest one of them all at the moment. Eren remembered the way that Armin had held Mikasa, keeping her grounded until Grisha and Eren came to them.

He’d probably run over to their home as soon as he found out what happened. Hell, he probably stayed up with Mikasa all night to keep her company, the way he would do for Eren when Eren called him up at two AM, unable to sleep. And Armin would stay up with him, even though he had stuff to do in the morning.

“Oh, Eren? You have a history paper due next Monday.” Armin frowned apologetically, “Sorry I couldn’t get the date pushed back further. Annie gave me her notes for the class though, so I can help you figure out what to write about.”

As if he’d actually finish it. His best effort would probably get him a C at best. Still, Eren rested his head in his hand and nodded. “Sure. Let’s see ‘em.”

Armin smiled, expression tainted with lines of stress. He’d always been easy to read, and Eren knew all too well what worried him today. He chose to ignore the swell of guilt that rose in his gut as Armin spread the notes out, explaining what Annie had briefly told him.

Mikasa continued her own work as Armin talked, he and Eren laughing at some of the sarcastic notes and doodles in the margins of Annie’s papers. After getting Eren set up, Armin set about his own homework, ready to help his friend should he need it.

Eren stared down at the papers in front of him, reading the same line over and over. He felt the helplessness and frustration welling back up, and pushed it down with a practiced ease. He glanced up at Armin and Mikasa, seeing how absorbed they were in their work, eyes scanning pages as if they were nothing.

He wondered how far ahead they’d be if they didn’t have to keep dragging him along.

 

\--

 

The week of forced exile had passed, and already Eren was feeling drained and defensive. The moment he and Mikasa had stepped into the halls, it felt like every pair of eyes was on them. He could hear whispers and muffled laughter. Notoriety, just another reason why being a well-known delinquent and a practical prodigy sucked.

He really wished that his dad would have just let him go back to school and avoid all this.

Eren glared ahead, hunching into himself and pulling his backpack further up onto his shoulder. Mikasa walked at his side, as unfazed as ever. He spotted Armin through the crowd, nervously waiting by their lockers. The blonde’s eyes darted around as people passed by, and he looked to be making himself as small as possible. He probably got bullied while Eren and Mikasa were at home. Eren felt anger start to boil in the pit of his stomach; at least he might get to punch someone today.

Armin perked up and waved as he spotted them, opening up their lockers so they could put their stuff away. “Hey Eren, Mikasa.” He hugged his books to his chest, “I’m surprised you got here on time. The roads are terrible.”

Mikasa shrugged, “Left early for the bus. Still sucked though.”

“Yeah…sorry grandpa couldn’t drive you guys today. I had to come early cause he had a doctor’s appointment to go to.”

“It’s fine, Armin. The bus doesn’t take that long.” Eren rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palm, still feeling tired despite how much he’d slept in the last week. “How long is it ‘til first bell?”

“About five minutes…I have to get going to my class, actually.” Armin glanced around again, nervous, “I’ll see you guys at lunch, okay?”

“Sure.” Eren waved as Armin took off, clutching his books close to his chest. He watched the blonde until he disappeared into the crowd, and even then almost went to follow him. Mikasa stopped him in his tracks.

“Come on, Eren. Get moving.”

Eren made a noncommittal sound, hefting his now lighter bag back over his shoulders and moving into the crowd, only to slam into a solid mass of human.

“Ow, fuck!” Eren snarled, recognizing the voice of the last person on Earth he wanted to see; Jean Kirstein.  Jean seemed momentarily surprised to see him, which almost made Eren smirk. But he regained his composure quick enough and glared down at the shorter boy, “Watch where you’re going, you putz.”

Eren shoved past him, “Why don’t you watch it, asshole.” He could physically feel Mikasa’s disapproval, but steadfastly ignored it.

Jean grabbed his arm, stopping the other teen in his tracks. By now a crowd had started to gather, but the two boys only seemed to notice each other. “I didn’t say I was done, Jeager.”

Eren yanked his arm out of Jean’s grasp, turning to him with a fiery glare. Mikasa moved to stand behind him, watching the situation with a critical eye. “Didn’t know I was supposed to care, horseface.”

“F-!” Jean grit his teeth, hands balling into fists as the crowd jeered. He was barely able to maintain his composure. “Where the hell have you been, anyway?”

“None of your business.”

“It is my business when you drag Mikasa along with you!”

Eren stepped closer, his own fists clenching in preparation for a brawl, “I didn’t ‘drag’ Mikasa with me anywhere! She can make her own fucking choices!”

“Please, we all know she’d jump off a goddamn bridge if you did!” Jean poked him the chest harshly, both boys completely unaware of the way Mikasa stiffened behind them. “And you wouldn’t even fucking think twice, would you?”

“Why you-!” Eren reeled back, ready to punch Jean’s teeth out when a hand grabbed his wrist. The crowd dispersed in a flash, leaving only Jean, Eren, and Mikasa at the newcomer’s mercy.

“Hey.” Rico Brzenska stood between them, calculating eyes flickering between the two boys. She released Eren’s wrist, and the two had enough sense to look embarrassed. Ms. Brzenska was not a teacher to be messed with. “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing.” Eren and Jean answered in unison, staring steadfastly at the floor.

Ms. Brzenska’s eyes narrowed, “That’s what I thought. Get to class.” She turned on her heel and marched away, sparing a quick nod to Mikasa.

Eren huffed, turning away to head toward his class. Mikasa followed, though she’d be splitting off down another hallway.

“Jeager.” Jean called from behind them, though neither turned around, “This isn’t over.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won’t tell anyone what’s going on with Jean since that would be spoilers, but don’t worry about him being portrayed as a total douche nugget. He has his reasons and they will be revealed as they go along. I actually feel bad about this chapter.
> 
> From now on I'll be updating this story every Wednesday and Saturday, as long as I can keep a good buffer of chapters going. If I miss a Saturday update there will always be a Wednesday one. I'm nearly done chapter five now and it's all going smoothly, so things are looking good.


	3. Father and Son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a shorty, but I don't think it needs any more.

Eren shouldered the front door open, dropping his bag onto the floor and kicking off his shoes. He’d managed to avoid getting into it with Jean after school, half thanks to Mikasa’s intervention and half from his own need to just go home and lie down. He took a deep shuddering breath, pushing the heels of his palms against his eyes. It was times like this he’d wish his dad would let alcohol into the house.

“Eren?” Grisha’s voice came from upstairs, and Eren cursed under his breath. He really didn’t want to deal with anyone right now. “Is that you? Mikasa called and said you’d be coming home alone.”

Grisha came down the stairs, pulling on one of his pristine suit jackets as he did. It was a black one. The only white suit that Grisha had had been dyed pink when the Jeager children decided to ‘help’ with the laundry. That was years ago.

“Eren?” Grisha spoke again, pulling Eren’s focus back into the present. His brows drew together in worry, a small frown creasing his face. “Eren, are you sure you’ll be alright on your own? I can bring you with me to the hosp-”

“I’m fine, dad. I don’t need someone watching me all the damn time.” Eren grumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets and stepping around his father. Grisha let out a disapproving sigh.

“Language, Eren. We’re just worried about you.”

“Sure.”

Another sigh, “Eren, don’t be difficult.” Grisha paused, schooling his tone into a more neutral one, “I’ve gotten you on a waiting list to see a psychologist. It’ll still be a few months and I’m not overly fond of the man, but it’s better than nothing.”

Eren leaned heavily on the wall next to the stairwell, staring down at his father’s shoes. “How is that gonna help?”

“Eren,” Grisha spoke as gently as he could, “You tried to kill yourself. You need help, and I should have done something sooner. We just want you to be safe, Eren. You’re my only son; I’d never be the same if I lost you.”

“Bet you’d get over it in a day.”

“ **Eren!** ” Anger came sparking back, and it was all Grisha could do to stop himself from yelling. Eren glared back at him weakly, and Grisha set his jaw. “You will be going when you get an appointment. End of story. You are to stay inside for the rest of the day. I’ll be calling periodically to make sure you stay home.” 

With that Grisha turned on his heel and left, not even waiting for Eren to acknowledge his order. He shut the front door with more force than necessary, entire being radiating frustration as he trudged through the snow toward the car. The car door received the same treatment.

The anger quickly dissipated as he slid the key into the ignition, starting up the car and letting it warm up. The empty space was quickly filled with a mix of exhaustion and guilt. He knew already that he hadn’t reacted to Eren’s words in the best way. But he supposed it could have been worse.

Grisha let out a dry laugh, resting his head against the steering wheel. ‘Could have been worse’ was just about the only way to describe their lives in the last few years.

Grisha’s eyes closed, recalling the look his son had given him. Eren was such a far cry from the lively boy he had been so long ago. His eyes, once so open and expressive, were almost constantly clouded over with exhaustion. Grisha hadn’t seen him smile at all in the last two years. Eren’s skin was pale, there were always bags under his eyes, and he barely ever ate. There have been far too many nights in which Grisha has sat awake listening to his son sob quietly in his room, completely lost as to what to do.

“Oh, Carla…” He breathed out the name, “You left us too soon.”

Carla had always told him that something was different about Eren. He was a passionate boy, driven by his emotions; Grisha had thought nothing of it. Eren would just have to learn to control himself as he got older. But Carla had always been far better than him at noticing these things. She was the empathy that balanced out his cold logic.

When Carla had passed away, the entire family was hit hard. Mikasa’s fragile sense of stability had been cracked, and she’d changed to adapt to it. Eren had been so close to his mother. They were so much alike that it hurt all the more to see Eren suffering the way he was.

Eren closed himself off after Carla’s death. He started to act out and fight more. Grisha had admonished him accordingly, of course, but he had thought that it was all a part of Eren’s grief. But it had only gotten worse, and the little boy who drew people to him like moths to a flame became a brooding and volatile teenager. Armin, bless his heart, was the only friend of Eren’s that had toughed it out. Grisha wondered how much longer the boy could last.

His watch beeped at him, telling him that it was time to go. With a sigh Grisha started up the engine and shifted gears, glancing up at Eren’s window as he pulled out of the driveway. The curtains were drawn. Grisha looked away in defeat. Unfortunately, he had no choice but to leave; not only did he have to check up on some post-op patients, but the gas bill had gone up once again, this time by 40%. The bigger the paycheck the better.

“Carla…I don’t know what to do.”

 

\--

 

Eren sat in his room, listening as the car finally pulled out of the driveway and drove away. He let out a soft sigh, feeling a muddled mix of relief and disappointment. Relief, because he wouldn’t have to face any more questions that he couldn’t answer. Disappointment, because he didn’t want to be alone.

Part of him wanted his dad to come back and sit with him and hold him while he cried. Tell him everything going on inside his head and try to make sense of it. If anyone could, it was Grisha. He could make sense of anything.

But there were no tears now, and once again Eren found himself alone in his darkened room, staring blankly at the wall before him. He bounced a small bouncy ball off said wall, catching and throwing it again as it if were some sort of mundane ritual.

The seductive voice in the back of his mind whispered to him; Grisha didn’t really care. He proved that when he drove away, instead of coming up to check on his son. His precious ‘only son.’ Eren scoffed at the thought. If he was so damn precious, then why did Grisha never spend any time with him and Mikasa at home?

“Whatever.” Eren mumbled, leaning over to slouch against his bed. He rolled the bouncy ball away from himself and simply sat, listening to time tick by on his clock. Mikasa had stayed back to talk to one of her teachers, but she’d probably be home soon. Eren hoped she would at least walk Armin home. The local bullies had probably had a field day with him while Eren and Mikasa were absent.

Eren’s hands balled into fists, bottom lip catching in his teeth has he started to shake from rage. Fucking cowards – picking on Armin because he didn’t fight back. Like anyone would stand a chance in a five-on-one fight. At least Jean was good for one thing; he would watch Armin’s back when he needed it. And no one fucked with Armin when Annie was around.

He sagged once again, all of the fight draining out of him. Armin had a lot of good friends, horseface notwithstanding. He knew that most of them hated him, and with good reason. They’d seen him yell at Armin before. They knew Armin deserved better.

A dry sob escaped his throat, and once it was out many more followed. Eren hid his face against his bed, hands gripping his hair almost painfully as he started to cry. The cloying emptiness grew and grew, cold hands gently pulling him down into the abyss, and down and down he went.

He thought about how disappointed his dad was. He thought about how sad his mom would be if she could see him now. He thought about Mikasa and Armin, how they were so perfect and good, and yet chose to stand by a monster like him. He’d never be able to measure up. He’d never be able to give them what they deserve. And yet, selfishly, he knew he’d cling to them all the tighter for it.

You shouldn’t show a monster kindness. Creatures like him only know how to take advantage.

He sobbed again, inwardly cursing Levi for pulling him down off that bridge. He wanted it all to go away. Why couldn’t they just fuck off and let him die? What’s the point? Why couldn’t everything just stop? He just wanted it to stop.

“I just want it to stop…” Eren breathed out, voice hitching and shuddering as he uttered it over and over like some kind of prayer, “Please just make it stop…make it stop…”

Silence answered him, like always. It pressed down around him like an inescapable wave, the familiar feeling of despair his only companion.

“I don’t want to be here anymore…”


	4. Armin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really not a fan of this chapter, but my editor said it was fine. And on the subject of my editor, she's been having a hard time recently so I won't be asking her to edit for me for a while. Which means you all will likely see some typos in the future (and I'll be a lot more nervous about posting.)

Eren put on his best glare, just short of baring his teeth at the guy blocking his exit. All day Jean had been trying to get to him, and the bastard had finally cornered him in the bathroom. Couldn’t even take a piss in peace.

“What do you want, Jean?”

“I told you last Monday. We weren’t done yet.” Jean crossed his arms, staying in place between Eren and the exit, leveling a glare of his own at the shorter boy.

“And I told you I don’t give a sh-“

“Maybe not everything is about you, Jeager!” Jean snapped, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “You have one chance to tell me what the fuck is going on here.”

Eren grumbled, leaning back against the opposite wall, careful not to take his eyes off Jean. Horseface wasn’t the type to jump someone, but Eren still didn’t feel very comfortable. “Nothing’s going on.”

“Really?” Jean sneered, disbelieving, “Then why exactly did I find Armin having a fucking panic attack here last week?”

Eren felt a shock run through his body, like his stomach had dropped right out of his gut. “Panic attack? What?”

If he didn’t know any better, Eren would have sworn Jean had given him a sympathetic look. “Figured you didn’t know.” He heaved a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Fuck. You might be a giant fucking prick, but you care about Mikasa and Armin at least.”

Jean crossed his arms again, brows knitting together as he closed his eyes, thinking of what to say. “I know Armin’s always been kinda high strung.” He paused, “I’ve seen him freak before. But nothing like that. He probably would have passed out from hyperventilating or whatever.”

Jean opened his eyes, fixing Eren with a critical stare. “And considering that was on the first day that you and Mikasa didn’t show up to school,” he frowned, “I’m thinking you have something to do with it. So. You gonna tell me what the hell is going on?”

Eren looked away, suddenly finding a cracked tile on the floor to be the most interesting thing in the world. He bit the inside of his cheek; Armin hadn’t shown any signs of being that freaked out. Then again, he never would, would he?

“Eren?”

Jean’s voice cut through the growing haze, and Eren looked up at him again. He shrugged weakly, “Armin will be fine now I think. Something…stupid happened. He just worries too much.”

The bell went off, signalling the start of break. Shit, he’d missed the end of his class – then again, Jean did too. At least they’d both be in equal shit. Eren pushed off the wall, intending to push past Jean whether he moved or not.

“Okay.” Predictably, Jean didn’t move. And more annoyingly, he kept his calculating eyes right on Eren as he approached. “And what about you?”

Eren felt the anger bubble back up inside him and roughly shoved Jean out of his way. The other boy growled lightly but didn’t take the bait as Eren moved to push the door open and leave. “What do you care? We aren’t friends.”

Eren was halfway out when Jean spoke again, his tone even and heavy with some unnamed emotion. “Yeah. But we used to be.”

Eren didn’t turn around. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to see the way Jean might be looking at him. So instead he fled, like the coward he was. Jean didn’t follow.

  
  
\--

 

“Eren?” Armin’s voice called out softly, the shuffle of his feet following as he rounded the corner. A gentle smile crossed his face when he spotted his friend, but his eyes looked far too tired. It almost hurt Eren to look at him. 

“I figured you’d be here. Sasha said you disappeared near the end of class. I brought your stuff for you.”

Eren grunted out a thanks, staring down at his lap as Armin sat down beside him. The two boys stared out at the empty lot before them, long grasses buried deep in snow. It was too cold to be outside, really; Armin’s cheeks were already rosey red, his breath clearly visible in the air as he blew on his hands to warm them up. Eren’s face and hands had long since gone numb.

“Remember back when we were younger, and we used to play hide and seek in that field? Back then the grass was tall enough for us to hide in.” Armin pulled his legs up, wrapping his arms around them.

Eren threw a piece of gravel. It landed soundlessly in a snowbank.

“It makes me sad that they want to build over it. We had a lot of fun playing there.”

“Armin.”

“Hm?”

Eren threw another piece of gravel, staring at the tiny hole it made in the snowbank. “Jean told me you freaked out last week.”

Eren felt his friend flinch beside him, the shift in his attitude almost palpable. He was quiet when he spoke again, “What did he tell you?”

“Said you were hyperventilating in the bathroom.” Eren threw a bigger stone at the snowbank, “Didn’t tell me much else.”

“Oh.” Armin hugged his knees tighter, letting an awkward silence reign. “…I didn’t tell him anything.”

Eren threw the gravel in his hand a little more violently than necessary, swearing under his breath. All the fight drained from him when he felt Armin flinch. “Like I’d even care about that.”

Armin sighed, reaching up to tug on his hair like he always did when he was nervous. “Sorry. I guess we’re both kind of hiding stuff, huh?”

Eren looked down at his friend at last, the unspoken question showing in his eyes. He searched Armin for answers, growing even more confused when the blonde smiled, his blue eyes turning watery.

“I get scared a lot. You know, high-strung. Everyone knows I freak out a lot.” Armin let out a humourless laugh, his smile fading. “Sometimes I’m scared to leave my house. I get to the front door and freeze up, cause I know what it’s like out there. I can’t take the bus because I can feel everyone’s eyes on me. I try not to breathe too loud, just in case someone hears me.”

Eren took Armin’s hand without even thinking about it, unable to come up with any words. He was rewarded with a weak grin.

“Thanks, Eren.” Armin leaned against him, resting his head on Eren’s shoulder. “I’ve always been weak. And scared.”

“You aren’t weak Armin.”

Armin chuckled, “No, I am.” He pulled at his hair again, glancing off to the side. “I don’t think I’d get up in the morning if I didn’t have you and Mikasa.”

Armin sat up again, leaning against the wall on his own. “It’s easier going outside when I know you two will be there. It’s kind of frustrating too, though.” He looked up to the sky, bottom lip trembling. “You guys protect me from everything. You always show up when I get cornered by those dicks on my street. I can walk through crowds without being afraid when you’re there, because you’re like a shield for me. I feel like I can breathe.”

Armin sniffled, rubbing a sleeve across his face to wipe away the tears threatening to fall. “Every day, I see you and Mikasa in so much pain. I see you getting worse and worse, and there’s nothing I can do to help. I’ve never been strong enough…”

“Armin-“

“No, Eren. Please.” Armin gave him a beseeching look, “Let me say this.” Eren nodded, unable to deny his friend.

Armin smiled again, and it cut Eren deep. “Thanks.” He took in a shaky breath, “I’m scared of losing you, Eren. You make me brave. But I don’t know what to do to keep you around. Mikasa…” He shivered, “I don’t know how to describe it. I’ve never seen her so lost before that…that night. I guess it all didn’t really hit me until lunch on Monday. When I realized that you almost…disappeared forever.

“I think a part of me knew that you…knew that things were really bad. But I tried to ignore it, cause I was scared.” Armin shrank into himself minutely, “I’m always scared. I feel selfish, cause I need you here with me. You help me when I’m scared, but I have no idea how to help you.”

Armin fell silent, and Eren let his head fall back against the brick wall behind them. After a moment, Eren let out a humourless laugh. “That your excuse for all those times I told you to fuck off?”

He could feel Armin’s weak glare as the other boy shifted. “Don’t be a prick, Eren.”

“Sorry…”

Armin sighed, “It’s okay. Well…no, I guess it isn’t okay, is it?” he shifted around to face Eren, “You’ve made me cry before. A lot, in the last few years.” He chewed his lip, picking at the cold gravel beneath them, “Grandpa says that when an animal is hurt, it’ll bite to defend itself. Humans are kind of the same. You’ve snapped at Mikasa too, but she just handles it better than me.

“But, Eren…That’s not you. I remember you, who you really are. I still see you sometimes, the real you – when you tell Barry off for picking on me, or when we watch those stupid B movies together and make fun of them. There’s days when things are almost back to the way they used to be.” Armin sat back, giving Eren a sympathetic look. “I know you don’t mean those things you say to me sometimes. Not really. I can tell when you beat yourself up over them later.”

Eren looked away sharply, shame welling up in his gut. Yeah, he definitely remembered every time they’ve fought – things he’s said to Armin just to see him hurt, because it felt good to make someone else suffer for once. And that traitorous voice would whisper to him to push Armin even further. He would leave, just like everyone else. Just watch.

Eren wondered how Armin would react if he knew the real monster that lurked under the surface. How much he enjoyed hurting Armin in the heat of the moment. If Armin was selfish for wanting Eren to stay, Eren was far more selfish for choosing to stay in the first place.

“I’m fucking freezing.” Eren stood, holding out a hand to help Armin up. “Let’s get back inside before Mikasa starts looking for us.”

Armin laughed a little, taking the proffered hand and shoving Eren’s bag into his chest playfully. “Thank god. I can’t feel my face!”

The two walked back around to the front entrance, Armin filling Eren in on the new developments in a study he was following. The casual air pressed down on Eren worse than any tension would have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a completely unrelated note, my little bird friend is back. This is the second spring/summer that a bird has built a nest over my window. Maybe the bird can edit for me. Or poop on my laptop. You never know with birds.


	5. Lifeline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the whole 'Eren can cook' headcanon. And thank you to everyone who has left a kudos or comment or bookmarked this, makes it a lot easier to update without panicking. Still working on answering all the comments though. I will reply to all of them in time.

The Jeager kids’ birthdays came and went with little fanfare. As usual, Mikasa had Eren slave away in the kitchen all day as her birthday gift, she and Armin eagerly devouring all the sweets he cooked up. Grisha had been adamant that they at least eat something healthy, so roasted chicken dinner was made to top the night off.

The memory brought a little smile to Eren’s face. He remembered how Grisha had scolded them when he and Armin tried to shove taffy up each other’s nose – and yet the old man was laughing anyway. It’d been the happiest Eren had been in a while.

“Hey,” Eren greeted the school secretary, “Ms. Brzenska sent me to deliver these.”

The woman accepted the files he had with a quick thank you, and Eren took his leave. He had no idea why he’d been the one sent to deliver them. He was pretty sure that Rico Brzenska hated him. Then again, he had been falling asleep in her class.

Eren shoved his hands into his hoodie’s pockets, fingers brushing against his phone. He could actually put shit in his pockets now. Mikasa and Armin had given him this new sweater for his birthday; his old one had several holes in it from overuse.

_As if you even deserved it._

Eren felt a lead weight settle in his chest, stopping the now 17-year-old right in his tracks. He felt the energy and willingness to move drain right out of him; his limbs grew heavy, eyes drooped, and he wished he could just lie down right there. It’d be real nice if the world could just stop being for a while.

The errant thought fled just as quickly as it appeared, leaving him to suffer the consequences in silence. His own mind wouldn’t even let him go ten minutes without reminding him just how much he sucked. He really didn’t want to go back to class; but if he went home, Grisha might come home early and find him there, and then they’d just fight.

Another memory cut through him like a flash of lightning, and Eren pulled out his phone. He scrolled through the short list of contacts and paused on a single name, one he hadn’t thought of in several months. Levi had said to call him if he needed it. Did this count as needing it?

Fuck it. He wanted to get the hell out of here.

Moving out of the hallway, Eren tapped the call button and held the phone up to his ear, feeling both hopeful and intensely stupid. It took four rings before he heard a click, a vaguely familiar voice answering on the other end. Levi already sounded irritated.

“Hello? Who is this?”

“Uh…” Eren faltered, “It’s…Eren.”

“Eren? What’s going on?” The man’s irritation drained away, and vaguely Eren could hear someone else speaking. Levi probably wasn’t alone. Then again, 11 in the morning was probably a stupid time to call someone on a Tuesday.

Eren shrugged before he remembered that Levi couldn’t see him. “Nothing, I guess…sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

“Can it, brat. And get to the point.” Levi paused for a moment, “Shouldn’t you be at school?”

“I am at school.” Why was he still talking to this guy? Why the fuck did he call? Eren rubbed his eyes with his free hand and mumbled under his breath, “I just wanna get the fuck out of here.”

“Okay. Where are you?”

“Uh…” Eren blinked, shocked silent for a moment. He didn’t think Levi would hear him, let alone respond like that. “At Maria High…?”

“Go wait outside. I’ll be fifteen minutes.”

“O-Okay-!” Levi hung up before Eren could say anything else, leaving the teen standing there in disbelief. That had gone…well? He wasn’t really sure. Either way, he had to be outside in fifteen minutes.

Eren texted Armin as he left to sit in front of the school, telling his friend that he was skipping the rest of the day and not to tell Mikasa until lunch. The two texted back and forth as Eren waited, sitting out by one of the trees in front of the school. Naturally, Armin scolded him for skipping school, but agreed to pick up his stuff.

A familiar black car rolled to a stop in front of the school, and Eren hesitated only a moment before sitting up and heading toward it. The door locked as soon as he tried to open it, and Eren felt some annoyance start to well up. Just what the fuck was that about?

The window rolled down, “Oi, kid, where you sitting the dirt? That’s fucking disgusting. Wipe your ass off or you aren’t getting in my damn car.”

“Uh- okay?” Eren patted himself down, wiping the dirt off his pants. Was it really that big a deal?

The disgusted scowl on Levi’s face said it was, but the door unlocked so whatever Eren did must have been good enough. Eren gingerly opened the door and slid into the car, suddenly unsure of what to expect.

“I’m not gonna bite you, brat. Put your seatbelt on.” Levi shuddered, “Ugh, you probably sat in dog piss or something…Open the glove compartment. There’s hand sanitizer in there.”

Eren held back a laugh and did as he was told; it was a valiant effort, but Levi noticed anyway and shot a glare his way. At least the sanitizer smelled kinda nice. “So where are we going?”

“Back to my apartment. I was in the middle of something when you called.”

Eren flinched minutely; couldn’t do anything without burdening someone. “Sorry…”

Levi glanced over at him as they stopped at a red light, “Why? I made the choice to come get you.”

Levi spoke so matter-of-factly that it threw Eren off. He found his voice again after a few moments, “Yeah…I guess.”

Levi simply grunted in response, looking as if he was seriously considering running over some jaywalkers. “Just so you know, I have company over.”

“Oh. How many people?”

“Just two. One of them is probably going through my shit right now.” Levi grumbled, “Shitty glasses can’t keep her goddamn paws off anything. She better have washed her hands…”

Eren bit the inside of cheek to keep from snickering, shifting over to look out the window. He recognized some of the area; he and Mikasa had to walk and take the bus to get around, and this was one of their old shortcuts from when Marco was still around.

Eren sighed, a wistful feeling growing inside him. He wondered how Marco was doing now. They’d lost contact a while ago.

The remainder of the ride to Levi’s apartment was silent.

\--

Levi pushed the door to his apartment open, making a disapproving sound as he entered. “What a fucking mess…”

Eren entered behind him, smartly biting back the comment that the place looked fine to him. Creepily immaculate, actually. But considering the very detailed instructions Levi had given him on the way up about how to properly put away his shoes, Eren had already guessed the man was a neat freak. He really hadn’t noticed it the first time he was here. Then again, he’d had other things on his mind.

Eren put away his shoes in the exact way he was told, almost fearing divine retribution if he did it wrong. A light chuckle to his right alerted him to the fact that he was being watched, and Eren whipped around to face the source of the sound.

Levi’s living room had been shifted around, the coffee table and couch turned sideways, an armchair and simple kitchen chair sitting on the other side. The coffee table itself was covered in papers and several coffee mugs. A tall blonde man sat in the armchair, curiously watching Eren with a light smile. He was kind of intimidating, but Eren couldn’t really pinpoint why.

“I see Levi has lectured you on proper shoe storage. You should be glad it isn’t wet outside.” The man arched a brow, and Eren grinned at him.

Levi tsked loudly, coming out from the bathroom and making a beeline for what Eren assumed was his bedroom. “Oi! Get the hell out of my shit, Hanji!”

“LEVI?!” Eren jumped at the shrill yell, barely able to register the thump of something falling over before another person burst from the darkened room. They were barely able to balance themselves as they careened into the room, looking around wildly, messy hair whipping to and fro. Their eyes fixed on Eren with a wild sort of excitement.

Levi reached up and grabbed a handful of Hanji’s hair, yanking it to bring her down to his eye level. “The hell did you break this time, Hanji?”

“I didn’t break anything!” Hanji whined, “Well, at least I don’t think so. But you probably hated that lamp anyway.”

With a long suffering sigh, Levi released Hanji’s hair and moved around to sit down on the couch.

“You must be Eren!” Hanji strolled closer, giving a lazy wave. The woman’s glasses almost looked like goggles, and there were several pens stuck in her hastily pinned up hair – if it hadn’t been for Levi mentioning her in advance, Eren wouldn’t have been sure if she was a man or woman. Still though, he’d never seen someone rock a sweater vest and dress shirt combo quite as well as she did.

“I’m Zoe Hanji! Pleased to meet you~” She held her hand out, taking his and shaking it eagerly.

“Eren Jeager-“

“Hanji, give the kid some goddamn air.” Levi griped, not even turning around to look at them.

“Spoilsport.” Hanji stuck her tongue out at the back of Levi’s head, turning and moving toward the end of the coffee table. She sat backward on the kitchen chair, crossing her arms and resting her head on them.

The blonde man chuckled again, looking at Eren and gesturing toward the spot beside Levi. “Come, sit. I’m Erwin Smith, it’s a pleasure.” He held out his hand, smiling as Eren took it, releasing his hand after a firm shake. “Eren Jeager, you said? You wouldn’t be related to Grisha, would you?”

“Uh…yeah.” Eren fidgeted lightly in his seat, “He’s my dad.”

Erwin made a thoughtful noise, “I’ve only met him once or twice. He’s a quiet man.”

“Wipe the constipated look off your face, brat.” Levi deadpanned, valiantly ignoring Hanji’s poor attempts her hide her snickers, “Erwin’s not going to tattle on you for skipping school.”

Eren felt heat rise up in his cheeks, which only made Hanji’s barely-hidden laughter get worse. She kind of looked like she was going to explode. “That’s not what I was thinking.” He wasn’t in fucking grade school. “I just thought that you would have told them, since they knew my name already…”

Levi sat back against the couch, finally looking Eren in the face. “Of course I told them your damn name. Not gonna take a phone call then drive off and come back with some random brat in tow and not tell them anything.” He slid a small case out of his vest pocket, opening it up to reveal an e-cigarette. “The rest is confidential.”

Levi promptly returned to ignoring him, taking a drag from the metal tube and focusing back on the papers in front of him. Eren felt a swell of gratitude, for both the secrecy and the lack of bullshit.

Suddenly curious, Eren copied Levi and leaned closer to look at the papers. He glanced up at Erwin, “What are you guys doing anyway?”

Erwin arched a brow, an almost pained smile pulling at the corners of his lips. His dry tone said it all as he spoke just one word, “Taxes.”

Levi snorted, “Pay attention and you might learn something, brat. Either that or you’ll grow up to be as useless as Hanji."

“Ah! I am not useless!”

“Could have fooled me.”

This time it was Eren who tried valiantly not to laugh as Hanji’s face fell, Erwin simply listening with an amused glint in his eye.

“Hmph.” Hanji pursed her lips, “You’re too cruel. I rescind my friendship.”

“Good, you can do your own goddamn taxes.”

“Friendship reinstated!” Hanji threw her hands up in the air, finally earning a laugh from Eren that wasn’t at her expense. She slumped onto her chair yet again, fixing Eren with a curious look. “Hey, Eren, what’s with the hoodie? It’s not really sweater weather anymore.”

Eren shrugged, subconsciously pulling the cuffs of his sleeves down over his hands. He could have sworn he’d seen Hanji’s eyes flicker to his arms, but it could have just been paranoia. “It was a birthday present. I just like it, I guess.”

“Hmm…” Hanji tilted her head, a grin splitting her face after a moment. “Fair enough!”

Eren smiled back tentatively, grateful for the lack of questions. There seemed to be a lot of that here, actually. No one had pressed him on what exactly was ‘confidential’ between him and Levi. Hell, they hadn’t even shot looks their way.

He sat back as the three adults began to talk, Levi asking Hanji about some of her more questionable financial choices. The man’s put-upon expression never changed, but Eren had a feeling he enjoyed watching Hanji flail and squirm more than was probably healthy.

…It was pretty funny though.

Time passed, and Eren let his mind wander. Occasionally Eren would ask a question about what they were doing, and Levi or Erwin would take the time to explain it. It was just taxes, and it was boring, but it was…nice.

Inevitably Levi would begin teasing Hanji again, and Eren would get to listen in on a bunch of crazy stories about the eccentric woman. He learned that Hanji was a cryptozoologist by trade, but worked in one of the local museums. Erwin was an oncologist, and Levi worked at an advertising firm – though Hanji kept insisting that he was actually Batman. Personally, Eren thought he had more of a Spiderman physique, but he wasn’t going to say that out loud.

Eren laughed as Hanji became the butt of yet another joke - she really brought it upon herself. And despite her whining and flailing, Eren could see her trying not to smile.

He wasn’t forced to talk. They didn’t ask him questions. When he got uncomfortable, he simply sat back and they didn’t even bat an eye. For once, he wasn’t the delinquent or the troubled kid. They didn’t walk on eggshells around him, or coddle him and ask if he was okay. He could just be.

The anonymity was comforting.


	6. Bruises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll MIGHT get two chapters today since this one ended up being a lot shorter than I thought it would. Maybe. Depends on whether the next chapter works with me or not.

Eren staggered back, just barely able to keep his balance after tripping on the curb behind him. He swore and held a hand to his cheek, glaring up at his attacker.

Jean stood before him, hands clenched into fists, tensed up for a fight. He glared right back at Eren, practically snarling at the shorter teen. “The fuck is your problem, Jaeger?!”

“MY problem?!” Eren growled, “You just fucking punched me!” And he was going to return the favour.

Not bothering to wait for an answer, Eren shot forward and nailed Jean in the gut. Eren received a fist to the face once more, and dragged Jean down with him as he fell backward, forcing the taller boy to take the impact. The scuffle lasted for a few brutal minutes before Jean managed to pin Eren down, fist once again poised to smash into Eren’s face.

Eren glared up at Jean in defiance, fully prepared to spit in his face as soon as he leaned just a little closer. Instead, the anger in Jean’s eyes drained away and the boy faltered, chest heaving as he stared down at Eren. His lips pursed together for a moment before he let out a frustrated sigh, roughly letting go of Eren’s collar.

“Fuck.” Jean mumbled, rubbing his own sore jaw as he got up off Eren, moving instead to slump against the nearby concrete wall. Eren sat up and rolled his shoulder, keeping a wary eye on Jean. They fought a lot, sure; but usually Eren knew why. Maybe the bastard had finally cracked.

Jean fixed his piercing stare onto the shorter boy again, his former rage subdued but still simmering under the surface. Mostly, he just looked tired. “You tried to fucking kill yourself.” Jean’s tone was even and accusing. He wasn’t guessing; it was a fact. He let out a dry scoff, “Don’t give me that stupid look. Armin let it slip at lunch yesterday after you disappeared. It was a fucking accident so don’t you dare take it out on him.”

“As if I would.” Eren glared at him, choosing to ignore the cold, knowing look Jean gave him. He’d snapped at Armin for less.

Jean swore under his breath, resting his elbows on his knees and running a hand through his hair. Bruises were already forming on his exposed skin; Eren himself likely looked no better. He knew he had at least one black eye.

Jean motioned to wall beside him with a rough jerk of his head, “Sit the fuck down.”

Begrudgingly, Eren got up and sat a small ways away from Jean, leaning back against the same wall. He really didn’t want to be anywhere near the horsefaced bastard, but he was too sore to move. And even if he did, he could tell Jean wouldn’t let this go. The last thing they needed was a second fight in a more populated place. So instead the boys sat in silence, staring out at the empty parking lot.

The tense silence lasted for a few minutes, broken when Jean let out a weak laugh. “Hey. Remember the old marsh? Should be flooded right now. Back in grade six we convinced Mina that it was full of leeches and dead bodies. She still hasn’t forgiven us.” 

Eren smiled despite himself. He remembered that spring; they’d gotten in so much trouble. Mina refused to talk to them for a week. Nowadays, she just avoided Eren altogether. Eren forced a chuckle of his own, trying to stop the disappointment from settling in. “And where that frog crawled up Marco’s shorts.”

“Heh. Marco hasn’t worn shorts since.”

Eren chanced a look over at the taller teen; Jean stared ahead still, watching the vacant lot in front of them. Back in grade school, the two had been practically inseparable. They’d still fought all the time over the dumbest things, and got scolded equally for it. But they had each other’s backs. Then, close to Jean’s 13th birthday, everything had changed.

Eren subconsciously hugged his knees closer, resting his head atop his arms as he watched a car pull into the lot. He couldn’t even remember what they’d fought over, but it had been the end of their friendship. The animosity between them only grew throughout the years since. Eren wondered if Jean even remembered what they’d fought about.

“Eren.” Eren tensed as Jean spoke again, “Why’d you do it?”

And there it was, the question he’d been dreading. How was he supposed to answer someone else when he didn’t even have an answer for himself? Even if he could bare his soul to anyone, it wouldn’t be Jean Kirstein.

“I dunno.” Eren mumbled, glaring at the now parked car as if it had offended him. The woman inside had long since left into the back door of a hair salon.

“Wipe the piss off your face, Jaeger.” Jean grumbled, running a hand through his hair again. “I mean, fuck.”

“No thanks.”

Eren heard Jean shift to look at him, tone unimpressed. “That was lame even for you.” Eren shrugged, and out of the corner of his eye saw Jean roll his eyes in response. Silence returned as Jean struggled to find the right words.

“Next time you feel like doing something stupid, call me.” Jean leaned back, pressing his palm into his gut with a wince. Eren had hit him pretty hard. “Maybe if I slam your head into the pavement you’ll snap out of it.”

Eren sneered at the other boy, moving to stand and leave. But the fresh anger he felt drained away as Jean spoke his name, his tone quiet and serious. Eren made the mistake of looking over at him, and found himself pinned down by Jean’s searching stare.

“Seriously, Eren.” Jean shook his head minutely, voice wavering, “Don’t do it.”

Eren broke eye contact, unable to take the sudden vulnerability in his…whatever they were. He sat back against the wall once more, staring out at the lone car in the parking lot. The world felt a little less lonely, and a lot more complicated.


	7. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first officially unedited chapter. Another shorty in which not much happens, but seeds are planted. I have everything I want to happen planned out, so I know there'll be about 35 or more chapters in this story. That being said, things are gonna be slow for a while as we get to know everyone :3

Eren sat in a far corner of the cafeteria, slumped against the table he’d commandeered. It was one of those cheap plastic picnic-table like things with attached benches; probably to keep students from throwing chairs at each other. One of the legs was too short, causing the table to wobble when he moved. And someone had drawn a penis on it. Classy.

He sighed and shifted, looking out over the lunch crowd. He would have preferred to wait for Armin and Mikasa outside, but it had started to rain halfway through the last period. The sheets of rain came down heavily enough to obscure the road in front of the school. Of course, even in a light drizzle he would have had to wait inside. Mikasa _hated_ getting wet. She was like a cat with a resting bitch face.

…So, just like a cat, really.

Eren snickered at his own (bad) joke, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning too broadly. He ended up biting down hard when someone plopped down beside him on the bench, causing the table to jerk.

“Ow, fuck-!” Eren rubbed his cheek, turning toward the person who had sat beside him. He recognized her immediately as Sasha Blaus, a friend of Mikasa’s. Honestly he’d had no idea how they became friends, since the two were polar opposites; from what he knew, Sasha was a bubbly girl with a weird sense of humour. They’d met in grade nine on the lacrosse team.

“Oops! Um…sorry?” Sasha laughed, but it was strained. Just as strained as the smile she was currently giving him. It almost looked like she was expecting him to hit her. Eren frowned at the thought, and Sasha flinched.

“Uh- hey,” Eren stuttered, holding his hands up in a placating gesture, “I’m not gonna bite you. Sasha, right?” He really wasn’t good at this social thing.

Still, Sasha relaxed and smiled a bit more sincerely. “Sorry. Mikasa always hangs with you and Armin at lunch, we’re working on a science project together- I wanted to see her in person but I’m _really_ hungry. Soooo…” Sasha brought her backpack up onto the table, pulling out a messy, beat up-looking folder, “Could you give these to her?”

“Yeah, sure.” Eren took them gingerly, afraid that the tattered folder might somehow burst apart at any second. “That it?”

Sasha chewed her bottom lip, hesitating. “Um…yes.” She stood, shouldering her backpack and casting a glance over her shoulder. Eren followed her line of sight and made eye contact with Connie, who startled and immediately looked away. He looked intensely uncomfortable, and Eren started to feel annoyance bubble up in his gut. Just what the hell was his pr-

Sasha sat back down so suddenly that the table jerked, and Eren had to move quick to keep the folder from falling off the edge. Wide eyed, Eren let out a breath and gave Sasha an unamused look. She didn’t seem to notice, as she was too busy staring at the table’s surface.

Finally Sasha turned to face him again, brows drawn together. “Um…Eren. I just, ah…” She took a deep breath, “I mean, I just wanted to-  I mean, I guess I understand…no, I don’t understand at all, but uh, you know…”

“Sasha I have no idea what you’re trying to say.”

Sasha made a strangled noise of frustration, pulling at her hair. Eren would have chuckled at the face she made if he wasn’t worried for her sanity. “I can’t words, okay! Look, just, if you ever wanted to join me and Mikasa when we hang out, I was just…you know, that’d be cool.”

Eren arched a brow, eyes darting up briefly to Connie, who still stood a few feet away looking uncomfortable. All of this was…weird. In all the time Mikasa and Sasha had been friends, Eren couldn’t remember having more than one short conversation with her, if even that.

“Really. Sasha, why are you talking to me?”

Sasha fidgeted on the spot, looking away awkwardly. “Well, just, you know….I thought you might be lonely or something, since…you tried to…um…” Her voice grew quieter and quieter until she finally trailed off, chancing a glance up at Eren.

Eren groaned and sunk down against the table, burying his face in his arms. “Are you fucking kidding me? Just how many people did Armin tell? Fuck!”

Sasha winced and tapped him on the shoulder, and begrudgingly he shifted to look at her. “Honestly, Armin didn’t tell anyone. Not on purpose. It just kind of slipped out when he was talking to Jean, and me and Connie were there, and Jean is _really_ loud…”

Eren managed to snicker at that bit. He sat up just a little, resting his forehead in his hand. “That’s it?”

“Yeah. I mean, Annie might know too, she’s really close to Armin. But that’s it.” Sasha paused, “Eren? Honestly, I had no idea you were even sad. You walk around so angry all the time I was kind of worried you’d snap and hurt someone. I still don’t really get it, but…I guess it puts a little bit of perspective on why you’re so intense.”

Sasha elaborated at Eren’s questioning look, “Mikasa told me some stuff. And don’t get pissed cause she needs to vent too. She’s having a hard time of her own.” Sasha chewed her lip, and Eren had the decency to look guilty, “I’m kind of freaked out and I have no idea what to do, but…I’d like it if we could be friends.”

Eren managed a small smile, if only for Sasha’s benefit. “Sure.”

Sasha grinned and stood, shouldering her backpack once more. “Awesome! See you around, then, Eren!” She skipped off toward Connie, leaving Eren behind with the beat-up folder. Connie seemed more than a little relieved.

Rolling his eyes, Eren looked over at the cafeteria doors to check if Armin or Mikasa were there. He felt more than mildly uncomfortable when he saw Annie there instead, staring at him impassively as the crowd passed by her. She held eye contact for a few seconds before glancing out the door and speaking to someone. A moment later Armin dashed in, grinning broadly and waving when he spotted Eren.

Eren waved back, feeling the lead weight in his chest lift just a little as Armin and Mikasa sat with him.

\--

 

Connie let out a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding as he and Sasha went to get their food. “Jeeze, I knew Eren was always kind of weird, but-OW!” He ducked down, holding his head and complaining loudly, “Jean, why’d you hit me?”

“Cause you were being a dick.” Jean deadpanned, glancing over at the table where Armin, Mikasa, and Eren sat. As usual, the three of them had blocked out the world around them and simply talked amongst themselves. Most of said talking was done by Armin; he was probably rambling about something sciencey. Jean looked away, flicking Connie in the head for good measure before he left, “Stop it.”

Connie gave the taller boy the middle finger and quite maturely stuck his tongue out, glaring at Jean’s retreating back. “Ever since last Wednesday Jean’s been acting weird too.” He turned to Sasha, who gave him a disapproving frown, “Aw, not you too!”

“You were being a jerk, Connie. Try thinking before you open your trap.”

“This coming from you.”

“Hey! I think more than you. Besides, my trap is usually full of food anyway.” Sasha smirked and turned on her heel, moving into the cafeteria shop as if she’s won some kind of argument.

Connie mumbled and rubbed the new sore spot on his head, following her at a slower pace. He knew he was being a jerk. It was his default setting when he didn’t know what else to do. Just what were you supposed to do when you found out an old friend had tried to off themselves? He stopped in his tracks, shoulders sagging in defeat.

They were seventeen. This shouldn’t be something they had to deal with.

Fuck.


	8. Jean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a format change for this one. There won't be many chapters like this, but I found that it was the clearest way to write the scene. Also, Marco.

Jean sat back in his computer chair, fingers tapping impatiently against the chair's arm as he waited for the old clunker to boot up. He really needed to clean out the junk programs on it soon. It took forever for the thing to boot thanks to all the shit that tried to activate on startup. But, that's what he got for taking his cousin's hand-me-downs. The way the fan was whirring, Jean was pretty sure it was going to explode sometime soon.

Finally, the Skype startup screen popped up and Jean pulled the keyboard into his lap, resting his feet up on the desk. His parents had cut off the internet for five days after his last fight with Eren – apparently coming home with a black eye and busted lip wasn't the best idea. Not that he cared, since he wasn't tethered to the computer like some people. It did keep him from talking to Marco for five days though, and that sucked.

_Bwoop!_

Jean snorted; speak of the devil...

 

[9:11:04 PM] Doctor Delicious; hey muffin

[9:11:05 PM] Doctor Delicious; long time no see

[9:11:06 PM] Doctor Delicious; hows my little buttface doing

[9:11:09 PM] Piemaster Jean; Shut up

[9:11:12 PM] Doctor Delicious; hmm someone is a sour muffin today

[9:11:14 PM] Doctor Delicious; did you get in a fight with Eren again?

[9:11:20 PM] Piemaster Jean; nothing gets past you huh

[9:11:27 PM] Doctor Delicious; it's the only reason you don't come online every night :P

[9:11:28 PM] Doctor Delicious; what happened jean? you ok?

 

Jean sighed, head falling back against the padded chair. What he wouldn't give to be able to just go to Marco's place and chill in person. Unfortunately his best friend lived about a 24 hour bus ride away in another state.

 

[9:11:45 PM] Piemaster Jean; can you vidchat?

[9:11:50 PM] Doctor Delicious; sorry man dad's sleeping :( gotta keep it down

[9:11:53 PM] Piemaster Jean; its fine. figured it was too late anyway

[9:12:01 PM] Piemaster Jean; i had a fight with Eren, yeah

[9:12:10 PM] Piemaster Jean; i might have done something kind of stupid

[9:12:11 PM] Piemaster Jean; but he was a moron

[9:12:11 PM] Piemaster Jean; is

[9:12:11 PM] Piemaster Jean; fuck

[9:12:14 PM] Doctor Delicious; care to elaborate Jean?

[9:12:20 PM] Piemaster Jean; he tried to fucking kill himself

 

Marco went silent, and Jean was hardly surprised. He knew that Marco had been out of touch with the old gang for a while now – hell, he'd never even met Sasha. If he and Jean hadn't been so close as kids, they may have lost contact too. Thankfully that hadn't happened, and Jean now spent every summer with Marco and his family.

Jean rubbed his eyes with his palms, taking a deep breath as Marco processed the bombshell he just dropped. Marco was a bleeding heart sap; despite being out of contact, he still cared about everyone. He asked for updates every summer.

Jean let out a dry laugh. Of course, Marco was well acquainted with his and Eren's tense relationship. Marco had the annoying, uncanny ability to simultaneously make him feel justified in being angry at Eren and make him feel like a prick for it. Bastard made too much sense, made him question his knee-jerk reactions...it was a part of Marco he very much appreciated.

 

[9:14:00 PM] Doctor Delicious; ...wow

[9:14:01 PM] Doctor Delicious; is he okay...?

[9:14:05 PM] Piemaster Jean; i guess. Armin said it happened way backin january or something and hes still around now

[9:15:00 PM] Doctor Delicious; jean what did you do

[9:15:03 PM] Piemaster Jean; i punched him in the face

[9:15:07 PM] Doctor Delicious; -_-

[9:15:09 PM] Piemaster Jean; i was pissed ok? fuck

[9:15:10 PM] Doctor Delicious; were you now

[9:15:10 PM] Piemaster Jean; yeah i fucking was

[9:18:46 PM] Piemaster Jean; fine. I was fucking freaked out ok

[9:18:48 PM] Piemaster Jean; i didnt know what to do

[9:18:48 PM] Piemaster Jean; i still dont.

[9:18:50 PM] Doctor Delicious; not sure many people would

[9:19:00 PM] Doctor Delicious; do you know what happened?

[9:19;09 PM] Piemaster Jean; not really. Armin wasn't supposed to tell anyone and it just kind of slipped out. asked me not to spread it around, so...

[9:19:11 PM] Doctor Delicious; dont worry, my lips are sealed

[9:19:13 PM] Doctor Delicious; glad you told me though jean

[9:19:18 PM] Doctor Delicious; you always tease me about being a sap but i know you're a worrywart too :)

[9:19:19 PM] Doctor Delicious; did you talk after you finished beating each other?

[9:19:23 PM] Piemaster Jean; yeah. kinda. probably didnt do any good

[9:19:24 PM] Piemaster Jean; i mean. Eren's a fucking prick. he struts around like he's the big shit and always has that stupid scowl on.

[9:19:25 PM] Piemaster Jean; he's a fuckng jackass

[9:19:28 PM] Piemaster Jean; dropped us like sacks of shit

[9:19:28 PM] Piemaster Jean; he's supposed to be the jerk

[9:20:09 PM] Doctor Delicious; imo you both share the title of king jerk

[9:20:10 PM] Piemaster Jean; mrf.

[9:20:14 PM] Doctor Delicious; Jean, dont beat yourself up.

[9:20:15 PM] Piemaster Jean; im not.

[9:20:40 PM] Doctor Delicious; yes, you are. i know what happens when you get like this. you start second guessing and thinking of the things you should have done

[9:20:43 PM] Doctor Delicious; thing is, Eren is a prick. he has been for a while from what you've told me

[9:20:45 PM] Doctor Delicious; it also sounds like he's been in a lot of pain for a while

[9:20:46 PM] Doctor Delicious; im guessing since his mom died...

[9:23:00 PM] Doctor Delicious; stop it Jean.

[9:23:10 PM] Piemaster Jean; i wasnt doing anything.

[9:23:12 PM] Doctor Delicious; yes you were. you were thinking. now stop it.

[9:23:13 PM] Piemaster Jean; shut up Marco.

[9:23:15 PM] Doctor Delicious; hey, you're the one that keeps me around

[9:23:17 PM] Piemaster Jean; starting to wonder why

[9:23:19 PM] Doctor Delicious; :)

[9:23:21 PM] Doctor Delicious; Jean. You're a good friend.

[9:23:25 PM] Doctor Delicious; and now you have some perspective on Eren

[9:23:26 PM] Doctor Delicious; just don't let it burn you out, k? and try to keep a level head

[9:23:30 PM] Piemaster Jean; i promise nothing.

[9:23:34 PM] Doctor Delicious; :P

[9:23:36 PM] Doctor Delicious; keep me updated k? i'm here when you need it

[9:23:40 PM] Piemaster Jean; never said i was gonna try to help the jackass

[9:23:45 PM] Doctor Delicious; mm, but you are though

[9:23:47 PM] Doctor Delicious; i think both of you need it, tbh

[9:23:50 PM] Doctor Delicious; no matter how tough you talk you never reaally gave up on him

[9:24;01 PM] Doctor Delicious; i bet Armin and Mikasa could use the backup too

[9:24:40 PM] Piemaster Jean; stop knowing things

[9:24:42 PM] Doctor Delicious; no :P

 

Jean smiled, setting the keyboard down momentarily so he could reach for his drink. It felt like he hadn't really smiled for a while. Despite hanging out with the others for the last five days, the shit that went down with Eren still weighed heavy on his mind. Now that he'd been able to talk to Marco, he felt lighter. Marco always helped him get his thoughts in order.

Of course, he still had no idea what was going to happen next, or even what he should do next. Marco was right about one thing, though. Jean was going to stick around whether Eren liked it or not. Jean set his cup down on the desk with a frown; had he ever really left the prick behind in the first place? Shit.

Way back when, it was them against the world. Jean, Eren, Armin, Marco – and in grade two, Mikasa was added to the group. The five of them were inseparable. They could take anything and anyone on. Then Marco moved away, and Carla Jaeger passed away, and things started to go to shit.

He and Eren had fought before many times, but it was never serious. After Carla passed away, he changed. But they were still friends, they were still close...then they started to drift apart, until finally they broke apart in grade 8. The notorious 'fight.' He couldn't even remember what they fought about.

Mikasa changed. Armin changed. Everyone changed, and grew apart. Jean still counted Armin as a good friend – Mikasa as well, though she was a far cry now from the shy but happy girl she'd once been. Stress and worry had piled onto Armin's shoulders, his smiles were more strained and sad than they used to be. And Eren...well, once upon a time Jean had told himself that he wanted nothing to do with the bastard anymore.

Jean scrubbed a hand over his face; he wasn't ready to acknowledge that. Not yet. Thankfully Marco's timing was as impeccable as ever.

 

[9:30:37 PM] Doctor Delicious; OH MAN! before i forget, i managed to get a hold of that romero boxset i told you about

[9:30:37 PM] Doctor Delicious; so we are gonna have to make more corpse pie and have azombiethon

 

Jean grinned, pulling the keyboard into his lap once again. Just a few more weeks and he'd be headed to Marco's place for the summer.

 

[9:30:45 PM] Piemaster Jean; oh HELL yes

 


	9. The Old Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> D-d-d-double feature! Yep you guys get two chapters today. I wrote both of them in one go last night and I'm posting this before I get nervous and delete it.

“Ahh, that was so awesome!” Armin grinned broadly, practically skipping alongside Eren as they left the museum. “Did you see some of those fossils? Just think how long ago those creatures were alive!"

Eren nodded, stuffing his hands into his pockets as Armin excitedly babbled on. The two had gone to see a new exhibit on ancient aquatic life at the Natural History Museum. Naturally it was much more exciting for Armin, but Eren enjoyed seeing all the fossils and funky looking recreations of ancient creatures.

And as a plus, Eren had finished his last exam the day before. And that meant that school was done for the year – for him, at least. Unfortunately Armin still had two more exams to do, and unlike Eren he had a very diligent studying regime. So it was time to head home.

“Thanks for coming out with me today, Eren.”

Eren bumped into Armin playfully, “Don't mention it, that stuff was pretty cool.” He snickered, “That and it's hilarious when you go full nerd like that.”

“Hey! Don't be a dick.” Armin pushed back, shaking his head with a little grin, “We both know I'm always full nerd. Oh!” He stood up on his tiptoes, “I think I see grandpa's car. I figured he'd be here early.”

“I guess we sh-”

“Hey,” Armin cut him off, face screwing up in a confused frown, “Eren, do you hear that?”

“Uh...?” Eren cocked his head to the side, listening. He heard....kids laughing in the distance, cars going by, and...

“ _eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEERENNNNNN!”_

Eren yelped as he was bodily tackled by Hanji, the two barely able to keep balance. Armin dodged out of the way as the two flailed, before Hanji finally caught Eren in a bear hug.

“HANJI!” Eren swore, “What the hell?! You could have fucking killed me!”

“Eren~!” Hanji seemingly ignored his comment, “I caught you!”

“Where the hell did you even come from?” Eren grouched, attempting to dislodge himself from Hanji's iron grip.

“Oh, well, I thought I saw you leaving the museum from up on the fifth floor, so I booked down the stairs to catch you and-” Hanji stopped, her focus suddenly turning to Armin. She stared at him for a moment and blinked – the distraction was enough to let Eren slip out of her grip.

Armin shrunk back, eyes going wide as they darted between Hanji and Eren. “Um...”

Eren scowled at Hanji, fighting the urge to facepalm. “Armin, this is Hanji. Don't worry, she doesn't bite....I think.”

Hanji kept staring at Armin, unnerving the smaller boy more and more. “You...look like a moe Erwin. AH!” She stood up straight suddenly, causing both boys to jump. Hanji grinned, “Sorry! Nice to meet you, Armin!”

“Um...” Armin glanced between Hanji and Eren, inching closer to his friend. “You too. How exactly do you know Eren...?”

“She's one of Levi's friends.” Eren answered, putting an arm around his friend's shoulders to comfort him. “The guy that brought me home before.” He filled in when Armin gave him a questioning look.

“Actually, Eren,” Hanji slid her hands into her pockets, smiling at the two, “I was hoping to talk with you. Levi wouldn't give me your number though – something about privacy. What a party pooper!” She chuckled, “Do you have a minute?”

“Actually we were-”

“Sure.” Eren cut Armin off, not noticing the sharp look he got from his friend. He released Armin from the one-armed embrace, “You go ahead, I'll take the bus home. I don't wanna hold you up.”

“Eren...are you sure?” Armin looked between Hanji and Eren again, fixing his friend with a concerned look. Eren didn't seem to notice.

“Yeah, it's no big. Tell your grandpa I say hi.”

“Okay...” Armin worried his lip, glancing over his shoulder as he left toward the parking lot. Hanji smiled and waved at him.

“You should go see him later, Eren.” Hanji crossed her arms loosely, “I think he expects me to abduct you or something!”

“I'll text him.” Eren shrugged, giving a Hanji an unamused look. “And it's probably cause you scared the crap out of him.”

Hanji held her hands up in a placating gesture, “My bad! I'll apologize next time.”

“Just don't sneak up on him.” Eren scratched his head, feeling a little awkward. He liked Hanji well enough, but he'd only ever met her once, and Levi was there to work as a buffer. “So what did you want to talk about?”

Hanji smiled, looking much calmer than before. She motioned for Eren to follow, and they started off along a path on the museum grounds toward a small pond.

“Hmm, just wanted to chat. You didn't talk too much before.” She grinned, “Of course, taxes aren't that exciting. If I were you I would have taken a nap!”

Eren snorted, “I don't think Levi would have let me.”

“Ahh, you'd be surprised. He can be nice when he wants to be. Of course, he might wake you up by pushing you off the couch.” She adjusted her glasses, “Something which I may or may not have experience with!”

Eren gave a lopsided smile, and Hanji responded with a whoop of triumph. The two stopped walking as they reached the wooden bridge that arched over the pond. Hanji leaned up against the rail of the bridge, closing her eyes and sighing as a breeze blew by. Eren mimicked her after a moment, folding his arms and leaning up against the railing.

“Ahh...nice day, isn't it?” Hanji chuckled lightly and stretched, “So much warmer out here than it is in the museum! If only we didn't have to wear uniforms.”

Eren watched people walk by as Hanji started to roll up her sleeves. The day was winding down, and there weren't as many people out as before. Armin didn't like crowds very much so they'd come later in the day. “So this is the museum you work at.”

“Mmhm.” Hanji replied, leaning up against the rail again.

Eren looked over at her, intent on asking what she wanted to talk about again. The words died in his throat as his eyes came to rest on her arms instead. From the wrist to just before the crease of the elbow there were numerous criss-crossing scars marring her skin. They were all long since healed, and impossible to miss.

Subconsciously Eren pulled his sleeves down over his hands; scars like that were all too familiar. And just one look at her face told Eren that she knew.

Hanji smiled sadly, “You had long sleeves on the first time we met, too.”

“You...but...”

“But I always seem so happy, right?” Hanji rested her chin in her hand, “Well, that's because I am. Now.” She looked out over the grounds again, still wearing that smile. “I was born Zachary Hanji, you know. The first born son to two proud young parents. I knew Levi back then, too. I don't think I'd be here without him.”

Eren fidgeted, “You mean...?”

“No. I was never suicidal. I sure did hate myself though. My body felt wrong, I was attracted to guys...” Hanji looked over at him again, and Eren managed to look her in the eyes. “I felt worthless. I cut myself because I thought I deserved it, and because it made the pain go away for a little while.

“Levi's the only one who knew. One day it got to be too much, and I ended up coming out to him about everything. Eventually I was able to come out to my family too.” Hanji's lips quirked up into a humourless smile, “I haven't talked to them in ten years.”

Eren flinched and looked away, “So it didn't go well...”

“Nope. Not at all. I stopped cutting that year, though. I learned to love myself. Levi and I moved here and I went to college. He got a job. We rented a shitty apartment together.” She grinned again, “And now we're here.” She tilted her head slightly, resting a hand on Eren's shoulder, “Eren. Do you know why I'm telling you this?”

Eren flinched once again at the contact, shaking his head.

“I know you hurt yourself, too. I know the signs pretty well.”

Eren looked up at Hanji after a moment, expression carefully guarded. “Are you gonna tell?”

“Nope.” Hanji answered nonchalantly, much to Eren's surprise. “I'm not gonna lie, I want to. But I won't. I promise.” She crossed her arms on the railing again, “You have to make that choice for yourself. Eren,” Hanji paused, carefully considering her next words, “There's no possible way for me to know how you feel. And I'm not going to tell you to stop, or try to give you advice on how to cope. But I want you to know that all of us are here for you whenever you need it.”

Hanji turned to face him, a gentle smile on her face, “It may not seem like it now, but things will change. So don't give up, and hold onto us with all you’ve got, okay?” She rested a hand on his back, and for once Eren didn't flinch away from the contact. “We'll fight for you when you can't do it anymore.”

Unsure how to respond, Eren gave a light nod and looked down at the water. Hanji did the same, watching the fish swim around in the pond below them.

 


	10. Polaroid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Thank you for your kind words and patience. I kind of rushed this chapter if only to get it out this week, as I have a wedding to go to on Sunday and the next two days will be a bit hectic. This chapter was originally supposed to happen a bit later in the story, but I moved a few of them around and melded some together. 
> 
> ALSO, as a final note, I'm going to be updating at least once a week from now on. When I can I'll do two updates in a week, but if you don't get a new chapter on Wednesday one will be coming for sure on Saturday. This'll keep going until I can get a good buffer of chapters written.
> 
> Enjoy~

Eren was almost starting to regret letting Hanji have his number. Almost. She had the habit of sending out mass texts at random – sometimes they were butt texts, sometimes it was pictures of tiny stuffed birds with clown noses and googly eyes. He'd learned to keep his phone on vibrate just in case a text came during school – not that that made any difference if he started laughing.

Unfortunately she was very persistant when she wanted something.

_'eren plz this is life or death'_

Eren highly doubted that. Still, this was the fifteenth text and she showed no signs of letting up, so he gave in and answered. _'wat do u want hanji?'_

_'oh good ur awake! u busy?'_

_'no'_

_'GREAT! i need u to go to levis asap ok thnx_ _i owe u!!'_

_'gonna tell me why?'_

...Well, apparently Hanji was not going to tell him why, as it had been 30 minutes since the last text.

“Not like I had anything else to do today.” Eren mumbled, grabbing up some of the bus tickets his dad had left by the door. He'd been feeling pretty restless anyway.

 

\---

One uneventful bus ride later, and Eren was trudging up the stairs to Levi's apartment. It was a small complex with only five floors, but even so taking the stairs could be a chore. At least the stairwell didn't smell weird like some other places in the city.

He'd been wondering on the way there, just what kind of 'life or death' situation Hanji was in. Had she set Levi's kitchen on fire? Torn the leather couch? Gotten a speck of mud on his hardwood floors?

Eren allowed himself a little laugh at the last one. Levi's standards of cleanliness were more than a little over the top – not that Eren would say that to his face. As short as the man was, he could be more terrifying than a beefy bouncer. Eren did not want to get on his bad side.

Coming to a stop in front of the nondescript door that lead into Levi's home, Eren raised his fist to knock-

\- and nearly smacked Levi in the face when the older man whipped the door open before he could even make contact. Eren yelped and scrambled back, managing to fall onto his ass in the process. Levi stood stock still, the only change in his demeanor being a slight widening of the eyes. Fairly impressive for someone who nearly got punched in the face.

Regaining his senses, Levi looked down at Eren and cocked one unimpressed brow. “You're not Hanji.”

“Uh...” Eren looked down at himself, “Nope. Not since the last time I checked. Should I be?”

Levi snorted, holding out his hand to help Eren up. Eren took it, and took his first good look at the other man.

Levi was sporting the oh-so-fashionable double-handkerchief look, one holding his hair back and the other around his neck, though it looked loose enough to pull up over his face. He was wearing rattier looking clothes than usual, and a cloth duster was stuck in a belt loop.

After a long moment of staring, Eren didn't even bother to hold back his mirth. “What's with the get up?”

“Hmph.” Levi tugged Eren into the apartment, closing the door behind him. “Spring cleaning. And congratulations -” Levi brushed past Eren, shoving the cloth duster into his hands. “You just got recruited.”

“W...wait, what?”  
  
“Hanji owed me. She was supposed to help me clean.” Levi quirked a brow, grinning, “Guess she owes you one now, Jaeger.”

...Those texts. That life or death situation. Hanji didn't want to get stuck helping Levi clean. So she threw him under the bus instead.

“Goddamnit Hanji!”

 

\---

Three hours of cleaning later, Eren had apparently mastered the proper way to clean windows and no longer required supervision. He'd learned that Levi – who was currently cleaning the bathroom – was very, very peculiar about his windows. They had to be washed in a very thorough, specific way. He actually wished he could go back to scrubbing the floor.

Thank god the man only had four windows. Eren had just finished drying the third window when Levi emerged from the bathroom, removing his rubber gloves and pulling down the kerchief over his face.

“I have to go check my mailbox. I'll be back in a bit.”

“Kay.” Eren wiped his brow with his sleeve, turning to face Levi. “Anything else you want me to do?”

“Just finish up the windows. Then we can start the kitchen and start plotting your revenge on Hanji.” Levi shared a grin with Eren, the door shutting quietly as he left.

Well, Eren was already finished with this window. The only one left was the one in Levi's bedroom – and it wasn't until he realized that that Eren started to feel unsure. He'd never actually been in Levi's bedroom. Stuff like that always seemed so personal. He wasn't even comfortable going into Mikasa's room.

...Still, he was a bit curious. The door to the room was cracked open just slightly, and it was always so dark in there. Curiosity getting the better of him, Eren pushed the door open and immediately laughed. There was a thick curtain covering the window, pinned to the wall in every way possible. Figures Levi would be a cave troll. He was already pale enough to be a vampire.

That thought swiftly took any lingering fear away, and Eren shook his head as he brought the cleaning supplies into the room and started to take down the curtain.

Contrary to how it seemed, Eren did not yelp when the closet door flew open, boxes tumbling out of it with a loud bang. Unfortunately the growing bruise on his butt was proof that he did indeed stumble and fall onto his ass.

Cursing under his breath, Eren took down enough of the curtain to let some sun into the room, then turned to look at the closet. From a cursory view, it looked like one of the shelves near the top had caved and fallen. Boxes of books had tumbled down and spilled their contents everywhere. Eren set about cleaning them up, hoping Levi wouldn't be too particular about what books went were.

Okay, no, Eren knew Levi would probably be particular about that. But he couldn't get mad at Eren for trying to help.

He had just picked up a ratty looking book when something caught his eye. Sticking out of one of the few boxes that hadn't ate shit all over the floor was an old polaroid picture. Eren's brows furrowed as he plucked it out, only to practically shoot up to his hairline when he took a closer look.

In the polaroid there were three people; one was quite obviously a younger Levi, likely in his early teen years. On his left was a pigtailed young girl wearing a big grin, one of her arms slung around Levi's shoulders. She was giving the peace sign with her free hand. On Levi's right was another boy, who seemed to be competing with Levi on who could look more dour. In Eren's expert opinion, Levi had won.

Eren was so engrossed in the old, faded picture that he hadn't heard the front door open. In fact, he didn't even notice that he wasn't alone until he heard Levi clear his throat from the doorway. Eren froze momentarily before looking up, his blood running cold at the look on Levi's face.

Levi's eyes flicked to the mess, then to the picture, and finally to Eren. It was in this moment that Eren realized he'd never seen Levi truly angry before. The man's face was devoid of all expression, but eyes blazed with cold fury. Eren dropped the picture and held his hands up in surrender.

“I wasn't snooping! This stuff just fell and I-”

Eren's mouth snapped shut as Levi took in the mess again, eyes darting up to the crooked shelf that started the whole debacle. He stayed silent as Levi stepped through the mess, reaching up toward the shelf and plucking a broken screw from the wall.

Levi sighed, and Eren could almost feel the tension bleed from the room. Levi's shoulders sagged imperceptibly as he turned and knelt down, helping Eren clean up the rest of the scattered books and papers. They worked in silence, both parties steadfastly ignoring the polaroid on the floor for as long as they could.

Eren froze again when Levi finally picked it up, staring down at the photograph with a distant look in his eyes. His grip on the photograph tightened just a little bit, expression changing in a way that Eren couldn't understand.

Unsure what to do, Eren tentatively reached out to touch Levi's shoulder, “Hey-”

“ _ **Eren.”**_ Levi cut him off with one quiet, insistent word, “Don't.”

Eren obliged, shrinking back and waiting awkwardly was Levi exhaled. Levi shoved the picture back into the box it came from and stood, taking the box with him. He unceremoniously shoved the box under his bed, running a hand through his hair as he looked over at the other displaced boxes. Levi sighed.

“Come on.” He flicked the back of Eren's head as he walked passed him, causing the younger man to flinch and smack his hand away. “Let's go get lunch or something.”  
  
“Ah-” Eren scrambled to stand, hesitating as he looked over at his forgotten cleaning supplies. “But I'm not done yet-”

“Don't worry about it, brat. I'll finish this stuff later.” Levi turned and left the room, motioning for Eren to follow, “Now hurry up or you'll miss out on free food.”

 

\---

It was already getting late by the time Eren got home. Not late enough to be dark out, but late enough for the mosquitos to start coming out en masse. He kicked his shoes off once he got inside, slurping up the last dredges of the slushie that Hanji had bought him.

He and Levi had run into Hanji during her own lunch break. She was out with some guy called Moblit – apparently they were partners both in the museum and in cryptozoology. Levi insisted that Moblit was only there to make sure Hanji didn't hurt herself. Moblit had laughed, but did not disagree.

Eren did get to see Levi lay it on thick with Hanji, making her sweat for ditching on him and being very ambiguous about what the next favour he'd call her on would be. It was funny to watch, but Eren had forgiven Hanji for tricking him. He couldn't imagine she'd be very good at long, boring tasks anyway.

And honestly, it was nice to feel useful for once.

“Eren?”

Eren glanced over at the kitchen, “Yeah, it's me dad.” he called back, moving toward the stairs so he could go play some games in his room.

Grisha came out from the kitchen, drying his hands with a stern look on his face. Eren immediately regretted coming home. “Eren, where have you been? I've been trying to call you for the last two hours.”

“Huh?” Eren took out his cellphone, and sure enough it was dead. “Oh...sorry, dad. I guess my cell died.”

“Good to know you weren't just ignoring me, but that doesn't answer my question.” Grisha crossed his arms, “Where were you? Armin couldn't even get a hold of you.”

Deep down, Eren knew that his dad was just worried – but he already didn't like where this was going. Immediately, his posture turned defensive. “I was at a Levi's place. It's no big deal.”

“Levi?” Grisha inquired, “Is that a new friend?”

“He's the guy that brought Eren home before.” Mikasa spoke from the stairs, startling her brother. He hadn't heard her come down. She glared down at him, suspicious, “Eren's been going there a lot. I don't like him.”

Grisha's expression immediately changed to one of stern worry, “'A lot?' Eren, what are you even doing over there? He did a wonderful thing in bringing you home, but-”

“But _what,_ dad?” Eren snarled, “Is it too fucking dangerous? Don't want me to actually feel comfortable or okay for once in my goddamn life?”

“Eren, that's not what I'm saying and you know it.”

“He's got another number on his phone. Someone called Hanji.” Mikasa cut in again, ignoring the venomous look she got from her brother, “Armin met her too. She wanted to talk to Eren alone about something. Armin said she was creepy.”

“She's not creepy, Mikasa, she's just really eccentric-”

“Eren!” Grisha cut in once more, giving Mikasa a warning look. She kept her mouth shut but didn't look any less defiant. “That's not the point. We don't know these people-”

“No, _you_ don't know them.” Eren's jaw set, his temper working up more and more, “ _I_ know them.”

“Do you?” Grisha gave an exasperated sigh, “Eren, just how much older are these people?”

“I don't know, does it even matter?”

“Yes, it does! Eren, people out there will prey on kids like you-”

“I'm not a kid-!”

“Yes, you are, Eren!”

“At least they actually fucking listen to me!” Eren shouted, losing his temper. Mikasa seemed unphased, but Grisha went quiet. Father and son stared each other down for a while, until finally Eren looked away. Mumbling 'whatever,' under his breath, Eren pushed past Mikasa and trudged up the stairs to his room. Mikasa followed him.

Grisha sat back against the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose with a sigh. That could have gone a lot better.

 

 


End file.
